I (24F) am starting to feel really overwhelmed with family expectations, and I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable here.
I have a younger sister who’s 2 years younger than me, and every single year it’s basically expected that I show up for Mother’s Day—no discussion, no asking if I’m available, it’s just assumed.
This year was kind of the last straw.
Today, my family sent a group text asking what “we” are doing for Mother’s Day—but the message was directed specifically at me. Not “are you free?” or “what works for you?” Just an expectation that I’ll be there and help figure things out.
The thing is, I’m exhausted.
I don’t have kids myself, and I’ve already been doing a lot lately for family. I recently paid for and flew out on a mini trip to see my sister graduate. Before that, I had already seen my mom not too long ago. And my sister’s birthday is coming up at the end of the month—and there’s already an expectation that I’ll be there for that too.
It’s starting to feel like I’m constantly being pulled in every direction, and if I say no to anything, I’m the one who ends up feeling guilty for “hurting everyone’s feelings.”
On top of that, I’m self-employed, which somehow makes things worse. My family seems to think that because I don’t have a traditional 9–5 job, I’m always free and can just drop everything whenever there’s a family event. In reality, it’s the opposite—I have to manage my own schedule, my own income, and I don’t really get “time off” unless I create it.
And right now, I just want a break.
I’ve been working a lot, I’m mentally drained, and the idea of spending my weekend rushing around to meet expectations instead of resting honestly makes me feel stressed.
There’s also another layer to this that makes things uncomfortable for me.
Every year, my family insists on going to the same restaurant for Mother’s Day brunch. The issue is—my boyfriend’s mom works there, and she usually ends up being our server. It creates a really awkward situation where she’s working on a day that’s supposed to be about her, while serving us. We try to be nice and bring flowers, but it still feels off to me.
I’ve suggested going somewhere else in the past, but my family always shuts it down because they’re set on that one place.
So now I’m stuck feeling like:
- I’m expected to show up no matter what
- My time and energy aren’t being considered
- And the whole situation makes me uncomfortable anyway
I love my family, and I don’t want to hurt their feelings. But at the same time, I’m getting really burned out from always being expected to be everywhere for everything.
This year, I honestly just want to stay home, rest, and not feel pressured.
AITA for not wanting to go?