I’m 34M, my wife Sarah is 32F, and her sister Emily is 29F.
This turned into a much bigger argument than I expected and now I’m questioning whether I handled it badly.
A while back, Sarah told me she gave Emily a spare key to our house. I assumed it was for normal reasons, like emergencies, checking on the house if we were away, or in case we ever got locked out. I didn’t think much about it because having a backup key seemed reasonable.
Then over the last few weeks I started noticing small things that felt off.
I’d get home and dishes would be in the sink that neither of us left there. Food would be missing. Leftovers I specifically remembered saving would suddenly be gone. At first I assumed Sarah had eaten them or maybe stopped home during the day.
Then one day I got home earlier than expected and found Emily in our kitchen.
She acted like this was completely normal.
That’s when I found out she had apparently been stopping by while neither me nor Sarah were home, letting herself in with the spare key, making lunch, eating snacks, and helping herself to leftovers. Not because of an emergency, not because she was house-sitting, she was just dropping in and eating.
For context, Emily doesn’t live with us. She has her own place.
I’ll admit, this immediately made me uncomfortable.
It wasn’t even really about the food. I just don’t like the idea of someone entering my house when nobody is there and treating it like an extension of their own place.
So I brought it up privately with Sarah and asked if she could talk to Emily.
Sarah said she didn’t care and didn’t see a problem with it.
I said okay, but I’m not comfortable with it.
She still didn’t want to say anything.
Eventually I texted Emily myself and kept it polite. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with her letting herself into our house and taking food without asking, and I asked her to stop.
That completely backfired.
Now Sarah is upset with me, Emily is upset, and somehow her siblings and parents all got involved.
Their argument is that this is normal in their family and none of them would care if I did the same thing at their houses.
But to me that’s not really the point.
I wasn’t okay with it happening in my own home, and I don’t think family automatically means unlimited access whenever someone feels like stopping by.
Now everyone thinks I’m unreasonable and making a huge deal out of nothing.
AITA?