My husband (28M) and I (27F) live outside the US, so I know the rules around this might sound different to some people.
A few months ago my husband got caught speeding by one of those cameras that only captures the license plate and not the driver. He was doing 28 km/h over the limit in a 50 km/h zone, which where we live is considered serious enough to trigger more than just a normal fine.
Because he’s had his license for less than two years, he had extra consequences attached to the violation. He could either deal with the process himself (including attending mandatory driving classes) or nominate another driver if someone else had actually been driving.
He immediately asked me to take the ticket.
His reasoning was that I’ve had my licence for over two years, I have a clean record, and if the ticket was assigned to me it would basically just be a fine with no extra requirements.
But I wasn’t driving.
I told him I didn’t want a speeding violation attached to my name for something I didn’t do. I also really dislike speeding in general, especially in lower-speed areas where there are usually more pedestrians and traffic. To me this wasn’t a tiny mistake like parking badly, he chose to speed and got caught.
He got annoyed and kept saying that couples should help each other out and that “it wouldn’t cost me anything.” But to me, being supportive doesn’t mean taking responsibility for someone else’s choices.
What bothered me more was that this isn’t the first time he’s framed consequences as something happening to him because of someone else.
If something goes wrong, there’s often a reason outside of himself, work stress, bad timing, someone else not helping enough, rules being unfair, etc. So when he started saying I was making this harder for him by refusing, I honestly started feeling guilty even though logically I knew I hadn’t done anything.
In the end I stayed firm and the ticket remained in his name.
Then he had an entire year to complete the required classes.
He didn’t go.
Not because he couldn’t. Not because of an emergency. He just kept putting it off until the deadline passed.
Now the consequence is that he has to retake both the theory and practical driving exams to get his license back.
And somehow… this has now become my fault.
For days he’s been angry and telling me that if I had just taken the ticket none of this would have happened and he wouldn’t be in this situation.
I told him I didn’t force him to speed and I definitely didn’t force him to ignore the classes for a year.
But now I’m questioning myself because technically I did have the ability to prevent this outcome and chose not to.
AITAH?