I (32M) and my wife (30F) recently welcomed our first child, a baby boy. Before the birth, we had several conversations about what we wanted those first hours after delivery to look like. My wife was scheduled for a C-section, and because it’s major surgery, we agreed that we didn’t want any visitors at the hospital on the day our son was born. We wanted that time to be just the three of us so my wife could recover, we could bond with our son, and honestly just enjoy becoming parents without having to host anyone.
My MIL (58F) knew this plan. A few days before the procedure, she specifically told me to let her know when she could come visit. I told her I would.
The day of the birth arrived, and thankfully everything went smoothly. My wife came through the surgery well, and our son was healthy. However, it was still an exhausting day. My wife was recovering from abdominal surgery, dealing with pain medication, nurses constantly coming in and out, lactation consultants stopping by, and trying to figure out breastfeeding for the first time. Neither of us had slept much, and we were running entirely on adrenaline and hospital coffee.
A few hours later, I sent a group text to my wife’s side of the family letting everyone know that mom and baby were doing great. Everyone responded with congratulations and excitement.
Then my MIL replied: “I know you didn’t tell me to come, but we’re already in the waiting room. We’re so excited and want to be here for you two!”
I was honestly caught off guard.
Nobody had invited them. Nobody had told them they could come. In fact, they already knew we specifically weren’t having visitors that day.
I texted back politely and thanked them for being excited, but told them we’d see them tomorrow and asked them to head home.
About five minutes later, my FIL (60M) called me.
He immediately started laying into me. He called me controlling, disrespectful, selfish, and accused me of keeping his daughter away from her family. He didn’t ask how my wife was doing. He didn’t ask how the baby was doing. The entire conversation was about how upset they were.
Shortly after that, my MIL sent me a long text saying she couldn’t believe I would prevent her from seeing her daughter after giving birth. She said it was disrespectful and hurtful, especially after they had already driven all the way to the hospital.
The thing is, nobody asked them to drive there.
They made that decision themselves despite knowing our wishes beforehand. To me, it felt like they assumed that if they showed up anyway, we’d feel too guilty or awkward to turn them away.
After being insulted for a while, I finally responded that this day wasn’t about them. It was about my wife recovering from surgery, our newborn son, and the boundaries that my wife and I had agreed on together. I reminded them that we weren’t banning them from meeting the baby—we were simply asking them to wait until the following day.
That didn’t go over well.
It’s now been several days, and we still haven’t spoken. Some family members think I was right to enforce the boundary my wife and I agreed upon. Others think I should have just made an exception because it was their daughter and their first grandchild.
AITAH?