Me (34M), university professor. Former student (33F).
I honestly don’t know where to go from here.
I’m a university professor, and I made what is easily the biggest mistake of my life.
One of the students in my class was an older, non-traditional student who was around my age. Looking back, I kept convincing myself that somehow made the situation different. It didn’t.
She showed interest in me first, and over time our conversations became increasingly flirtatious. Eventually, we exchanged personal messages, had private phone calls, and I agreed to meet her outside of school.
We ended up having a brief s*xual relationship.
After a short time, I realized I had crossed a line that never should have been crossed and ended the relationship. She wasn’t happy about it.
Once the semester ended, she reported our relationship to the university.
Not long afterward, Human Resources called me into a meeting.
I admitted everything.
There were no allegations of harassment, coercion, or abuse. The relationship was consensual, and I wasn’t accused of violating Title IX. However, the university has a clear policy prohibiting relationships between professors and students currently enrolled in their classes.
I knew that policy.
I knew exactly what I was risking.
I just made the decision anyway.
During the meeting, the HR representative strongly advised me to resign. I was told that refusing would almost certainly lead to a formal investigation that would likely end with my termination.
At this point, several administrators, including my direct supervisors, already know what happened. They’re almost certainly expecting my resignation within the next few days.
I’m not here to make excuses.
What I did was unprofessional, unethical, and entirely my own fault.
I’ve never felt this much shame in my life.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to face my colleagues, explain my sudden departure, or respond when students inevitably ask what happened.
I’ve even been avoiding my family and friends because I can’t bring myself to tell them why I’m about to lose the career I spent years building.
Every bit of this is the result of my own decisions.
Now I’m trying to figure out how to rebuild my life after throwing away everything I worked so hard to achieve.
Has anyone ever managed to recover after making a mistake this serious?