I (33F) am the youngest of four siblings, two older brothers, Chris and Ryan, and an older sister, Laura.
To make a very long story short, growing up I was treated pretty badly by my siblings, especially Laura and Ryan. It had a lasting impact on me. Even so, once we all became adults, I made multiple attempts over the years to build and maintain relationships with each of them. Every attempt eventually failed.
A few years ago, after spending so much time trying and getting nowhere, I decided to stop forcing things. I don’t really engage with any of them anymore unless absolutely necessary. Thankfully, I live in a completely different country now, so contact is minimal.
I got married almost three years ago (my husband and I eloped), and last year we had a baby girl.
After our wedding, Chris and Laura at least sent wedding gifts. I think they also sent cards after our daughter was born and gave Christmas presents.
Ryan and his long-term partner, Megan, did none of that.
No wedding card. No congratulations after our baby was born. No gift. My daughter turns one in a few days and still nothing has arrived or even been acknowledged. Ryan did text me over two years ago saying a wedding gift was “in the works,” but obviously nothing ever came of it.
Yesterday, I was finishing work and checking train times home when I got a text from my mum saying Ryan and Megan had gotten married. They had a small registry office wedding in the Netherlands, where they live.
I was surprised because they’ve been together over a decade and I never thought marriage was something Ryan cared about.
I texted my husband the news and then just carried on with my day.
A few hours later, my mum texted again asking if I’d seen her message. Around the same time, my dad texted me with the exact same news.
That honestly irritated me.
So I replied to my mum:
“Yeah, I got your text, but I honestly don’t really care about the news. What exactly do you expect me to do? Ryan and Megan haven’t acknowledged a single major life event for me. My daughter hasn’t received so much as a card in a year. I never even got a congratulations card after I got married. Megan has never once texted me about my wedding or our daughter being born. Why am I expected to make a big effort now? I hope the same reminders are being sent to them for our milestones too.”
My mum replied saying I was being selfish and childish because “sending a text costs nothing.”
I agree, which is exactly why I find it frustrating that apparently nobody ever expected them to do the same.
I’ve been in therapy for the past year and one thing I’ve been working on is matching people’s effort instead of constantly overextending myself.
So guys…AITAH for not congratulating my brother and not caring much that they got married?