This blew up in my house and now I’m being told I went too far, so I need validation outside from the family!
I have two daughters. My oldest dropped out of college a while back after she stopped going to classes and her grades tanked. Eventually, the school dismissed her. Since then, she’s been working as a waitress and struggling financially, and she’s also dealing with some student debt.
My younger daughter took a completely different path. She stayed focused, got a full ride, and is about to graduate. She just landed a really solid job offer, so she’s starting off in a much better place—no debt, good salary, all of that.
The problem is my oldest has gotten really bitter about it. It’s not just a one-time thing—it’s constant. Any time her sister shares something positive, it turns into comparisons or negativity. There’s definitely this mindset of “I’m older, I should be doing better,” and it’s clearly eating at her.
I’ve tried to help her over the past couple years—talking things through, offering advice, even helping financially when I can—but it never really lands. It always circles back to resentment toward her sister.
The breaking point happened the other day. My younger daughter casually mentioned she’s planning a trip to Iceland this fall. It wasn’t a big announcement, just normal conversation.
On the drive home, my oldest completely went off. She started ranting about how unfair everything is, how her sister gets to do all these things, and how she deserves it more. Then it turned into straight-up insults toward her sister.
That’s when I snapped.
I told her she needs to get over the jealousy, and that the reason her life looks the way it does right now comes down to her own choices. I said her sister worked hard and made different decisions, and it’s not fair to take that out on her.
That turned into a huge argument. She says I’m unsupportive and basically kicked her while she’s down. My wife thinks I was way too harsh and should’ve handled it differently.
I don’t think what I said was wrong, but maybe how I said it was. I think at the end of the day, she always make everything about HERSELF!
So AITA?