My (28F) boyfriend (30M) has always had yellow teeth and bad breath. At first I overlooked it because we were in the honeymoon phase and everything else was great, but if I’m being honest I’ve never actually enjoyed kissing him. Sometimes his breath is so bad that if he’s talking close to me I instinctively turn my head away. Then he thinks I’m annoyed at him for no reason and gets upset.
We’ve been living together for about a year now, and that’s when I realized just how little he actually takes care of his teeth. He rarely brushes unless I remind him and he never flosses. I’ve tried bringing it up as gently as possible because I don’t want to destroy his self esteem. At this point he’ll usually brush if I specifically ask him to, but if I don’t say anything he just won’t do it.
He’s flossed exactly once, and that was basically out of spite because I kept asking. Since then he hasn’t flossed again. He has, however, lied and told me he flossed when he didn’t. When I called him out on it he said he only lied because he didn’t want me to be mad.
I’ve explained over and over that this isn’t something he should be doing for me. He should want to take care of his own health. He always agrees, says he knows, and then changes absolutely nothing. He has a great job with excellent dental insurance. I’ve reminded him multiple times to schedule a dentist appointment. Every time he says he will, but months go by and nothing happens. At this point I honestly don’t think it’ll happen unless I literally sit beside him and walk him through making the appointment.
It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even like seeing him smile anymore, let alone kissing him. I feel awful saying that because I love him, but I’ve developed such a strong ick around his mouth that I can’t ignore it anymore. What makes it even more frustrating is that he’ll blame it on having teeth that stain easily, but that’s not even my issue. I know how little he takes care of them because I see it every day. The color isn’t what’s bothering me. It’s the complete lack of hygiene.
I really do love him and I want what’s best for him. I think being honest about health issues is important in a long term relationship, but the gentle approach hasn’t worked. So recently I finally told him that I don’t want to kiss him anymore because his dental hygiene grosses me out.
Now he keeps making little comments about how I must hate him. I know what I said probably hurt his feelings, and maybe I could have worded it better, but being nice about it accomplished nothing. I don’t want to kiss someone whose teeth and breath are consistently unhygienic, and apparently that makes me the asshole.
AITA?