My wife and I have been married for 9 years. We’re both in our 30s and have two kids. Honestly, our marriage has always been pretty solid. We’ve never really had jealousy or trust issues, which is why this whole situation has caught me completely off guard.
Now my wife is accusing me of getting too close to another woman, even though the only reason I’m around this woman in the first place is because my wife kept pushing me to attend these get togethers.
For some background, my wife became friends with a group of coworkers about a year ago. I never had anything against them, but they just weren’t really my kind of people. The group is made up of two married guys and two divorced women, one of whom got divorced pretty recently. The few times I tagged along, all they talked about was work, and I was bored out of my mind.
I told my wife I had no problem with her going without me. In fact, I encouraged it. I’d stay home with the kids, we’d save money on a babysitter, and she’d still get to spend time with her friends. Everyone won. She was fine with that for a while.
Then things changed.
The married guys started bringing their wives, one of the divorced women started dating someone, and suddenly my wife felt awkward being the only one showing up without her spouse. She kept asking me to come. We argued about it a few times, but eventually I agreed because it mattered to her.
Ironically, once I started going, I actually found someone there I genuinely clicked with.
One of the other wives is a huge nerd like I am. We like the same TV shows, movies, anime, and games, so we’d usually end up talking while everyone else did their own thing.
I honestly thought I’d solved the problem. I figured I’d finally found a way to enjoy these gatherings, which would make my wife happy because I’d actually want to come.
Instead, she got upset.
Now she’s saying it’s weird how much I talk to this woman and that it makes her uncomfortable. I told her there isn’t anything weird about it. She’s literally the only person in that group, besides my wife, that I naturally get along with.
My wife asked me to make more of an effort to talk to everyone else instead of her.
I told her no.
I’m not secretly texting this woman. I don’t have her phone number. We don’t follow each other on social media. We don’t hang out outside these group events. The only time I ever speak to her is when we’re all together.
I reminded my wife that she has a choice. If she’d rather I stay home like I originally wanted to, I’m perfectly happy to do that. But if she’s going to insist that I come, I’m not going to deliberately make myself miserable just to avoid talking to the one person I actually have something in common with.
She told me I’m being selfish because I should be putting her feelings first.
I told her that works both ways. She’s asking me to put myself last every single time so she can have exactly what she wants. She wants me there to make her look like everyone else who brings a spouse, but she also doesn’t want me enjoying myself once I’m there.
To me, that feels controlling and unfair.
So I told her she can’t have it both ways. Either she wants me to come or she doesn’t, but she doesn’t get to decide who I’m allowed to have a normal conversation with when I’m there.
AITA?