My (35F) husband (36M) and I have been together for almost 11 years and have two young kids together, ages 2 and 4. Up until now, I genuinely thought we had an amazing marriage. We always communicated well, were affectionate, trusted each other completely, and he had never given me a reason to question his loyalty. We shared phone passcodes, and he didn’t even watch porn because he said it felt disrespectful to our relationship, even though I never asked him not to.
Then one morning, completely out of nowhere, he admitted he’d had a one night stand.
The night before he came home much later than usual and went straight to bed without saying much. The next morning he was unusually quiet, which immediately felt off because we’re normally very chatty in the mornings. I asked him what was wrong, expecting him to tell me he’d had a stressful day at work. Instead, he immediately confessed that he’d had s*x with another woman the night before.
According to him, he’d gone out for drinks with some male coworkers after work. He rarely drinks, but he said he’d been under a lot of stress since starting his new job and decided to join them. A woman ended up joining the group, and he said he made a terrible decision in what he called a moment of weakness. He told me he wasn’t even thinking about the consequences until afterward. He didn’t make excuses or try to blame alcohol. He just kept saying he couldn’t believe he’d done something like this and that he had to tell me because he wanted to fix what he’d broken.
He immediately offered to do whatever it took to rebuild my trust. He said he’d go to therapy, answer any questions I had, let me go through his phone, and do anything else I needed. But honestly, I barely heard any of that because I was still trying to process what he’d just admitted.
I told him to leave. After he walked out, I cried all night.
The hardest part is that I’ve always had a zero tolerance policy for cheating, and he knew that. We’ve talked about it before. I’ve always said that if someone cheats, the relationship is over. Now I’m sitting here questioning everything because this is the first time in almost 11 years that he’s ever betrayed my trust. I still love him, but I honestly don’t know how I could ever let him touch me again knowing he chose to have s*x with someone else.
I asked my mom for advice because I desperately needed someone to talk to. She thinks I’m overreacting by wanting a divorce over one mistake. She keeps telling me it wasn’t an ongoing affair, that he confessed immediately without me finding out on my own, and that if I really loved him, I’d at least try to work through it before ending our marriage. She thinks breaking up our family over one night would be the bigger mistake.
But all I can think about is that he still chose to have s*x with another woman. I feel completely devastated, and I honestly don’t know if this is something I could ever forgive.
AITA?